i want to go to there

One. Year. ONE YEAR!! To commemorate this special occasion, I first considered listing all the things I could have been doing this past year instead of being stared at in Uganda. After jotting down a few possibilities (starting a nursing career, earning half a master’s degree, opening a smoothie stand in Portland’s Pearl District, learning to juggle kittens) I started to shift my thoughts and reflect on the many things I’ve learned over this past year. For example, I’ve learned a great deal about Ugandan culture. I’ve learned to appreciate the subtle qualities of banana wine and to kill spiders with my bare hands. I’ve learned to speak like a toddler in not one but two languages. Milk. Water. Give me. And you might not expect it but I’ve actually learned some interesting if not questionable things from Ugandans about my own culture. Therefore, I’ve decided to take this opportunity to relate the very best of what I’ve learned about America to you.

Did you know…

…in America, nobody is fat?

…in America, you start training for your job when you begin primary [elementary] school? Which does help to explain all those 9 year old nurses.

…in America, healthcare is free? Go ahead, run to your nearest ER for that yearly check-up! Or hell, go in style- call an ambulance.

…in America, college is free?

…in America, nobody is jealous of other people?

…in America, we work with one heart? (I can’t be sure but I think they were referring to “cardiomegaly,” or enlarged heart. It’s actually quite dangerous and affects approximately 100,000 Americans per year. Luckily, these huge-hearted Americans receive free healthcare for all ailments in addition to government-sponsored bi-yearly pancake breakfasts. That Obama loves his pancakes.)

In all seriousness, if I’ve learned anything this past year it’s this: I don’t know a whole lot about my own culture. So get out there! Explore! Learn for free! Eat with no fear of weight gain! Embrace your giant hearts. I won’t be jealous. According to Ugandans, I can’t be jealous. I’ll see you at my smoothie stand in one…more………year. There, I said it. Banana wine smoothies are going to be a hit.