According to Yahoo’s highly specialized team of highly dedicated and no doubt highly paid Trending Now Data Analysts, the following is a list of the fascinating subjects trending right now:
1. Mariah Carey
2. Judge Judy
3. Kevin Federline
4. Chris Brown
5. Credit cards
6. Infection outbreak
7. Jennifer Aniston
8. Diabetes
9. Tylenol recall
10. Mega Millions winner
As a nurse I’m not entirely comfortable with the image of a brittle diabetic, on the verge of diabetic coma, checking out Judge Judy’s fan page before Yahooing proper injection techniques. And I’m not positive but I feel like Jesus would be upset he’s been significantly out-trended by a woman who can sing a measly seven octaves. Please. Try creating seven seas, Mariah. This is the man who turned water into wine, and though I wasn’t there I can safely say he never once had the urge to close his eyes or inexplicably wave his left hand up and down as if affected with Parkinson’s in order to do so. Unless he was making the sign of the cross. At any rate, Yahoo’s got me thinking about what my trending now list might include if my highly specialized trending now brain centers, which I believe to be located in the trendiest of all brain locations, the temporal lobes, could automatically stream onto a website for all to enjoy.
Trending Now Now*
*not a typo but a delightful way of saying “now” in a culture where “now” means “just as soon as I win Mega Millions”.
1. Monkeys
2. My next meal
3. Sleep
4. Anderson Cooper
5. Not dying in Uganda
6. Gastroenteritis
7. Travis Hasler
8. Blueband
9. Lava rock
10. Computer viruses
I’m hoping, perhaps naively, my boyfriend will be happy to see my temporal lobes find him trendier than Blueband, a synthetic East African butter/miracle fortified with vitamins A and C. Fortification is very in right now, as are night vision and not having scurvy.
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