what's the antonym for shred? i think i want that

I’m trying to get into shape, ideally any shape that a) doesn’t resemble a potato and b) makes it easier to pick up a potato. And so a friend gave me a Jillian Michael’s workout video called 30 Day Shred. 30 Day Shred; I was immediately drawn to that title. Shred… shredding doesn’t sound too intimidating. I mean I’m used to shredding things. Like paper. Confidential tax information. Counterfeit money in times of police raid. I can shred with my eyes closed! Of course the manufacturer doesn’t recommend it. But I love shredded cheese. Also Frosted Shredded Mini Wheats. Yes, the more I thought about it, the more I knew this workout was for me.

I had to fill empty vodka and waragi (local gin) bottles with water to use in lieu of weights because, not surprisingly, there’s no sporting goods store in Kisoro. If there were a sporting goods store I’m thinking the equipment section would just have babies and hoes and giant sacks of coal; people here don’t exactly need Jillian to tell them to get on down to the borehole. But because I’m a fan of irony and I’m pretty sure my old friend waragi is the reason I need so much shredding anyway, I really don’t mind using the bottles.

What I really do mind, two workouts in, is the overall working out part of the video. It’s like What we have here is a woman who has esentially turned indecisiveness into a workout. First we’re on the floor. Then we’re up doing jumping jacks. Then back to the floor. Why didn’t we just stay here in the first place? And what is this strange, painful sensation? Oh, I see, that’s what muscle contraction feels like…wait, back up? Seriously? And now we’re jumping rope without a rope? Why no rope? That’s lame. I should just use a rope. What’s it to her anyway? Look at her face. She thinks she’s soooo…no, not the floor again! Let’s just stay up here imaginary jump roping! I swear I love pretending there’s a rope. No, I didn’t call it lame. You’re lame! Don’t make me get back down on the floor. It’s dirty and there are tiny spiders. I wish this waragi bottle wasn’t filled with water.

Two workouts in. Just two workouts and I can no longer stand the thought of shredding. Seriously, when I go home and start working as a nurse, I’m just going to throw patient information on the floor when I’m through with it. I’m going to eat my cheese in block form. Shredded Mini Wheats? No thanks, I’ll just pop a vanilla Tic Tac and chew on a wheat stalk. Ugandans don’t even know how lucky they have it! Don’t go to the borehole, die of dehydration. Don’t go out and dig in the garden, die of starvation. Now there’s an ultimatum that would probably motivate even me.